5 Years of Waiting, Hoping & Dreaming

*Trigger Warning: Infertility, miscarriage, medical diagnoses, divorce, death, trauma mentioned*

Do you remember when you hit a 5 year milestone (positive or negative) of some sort in your life? Maybe it was 5 years at a job, losing a loved one or friend, 5 years of marriage, since the doctor walked in with a sentence that changed your life forever, your firstborn going to Kindergarten, suffering through the effects from a traumatic event, hitting a financial goal or something else. It seems that 5 years just seems to solidify something or feels like a great accomplishment.

Well, today is that day for me and it is so surreal. This season for me has been filled with disappointment, fear, hopelessness, anger, jealousy, anxiety, hope, feelings of paralyzing sadness, gratefulness, depression, and the list could go on. I never imagined five years ago (or even before that for that matter) that I’d be sitting here writing this blog post but I’ve come to learn that this is part of God’s story for my life. If I can point people to Jesus through sharing my story, then I’ve found an opportunity to serve and encourage others despite my pain.

A quick recap of the last 5 years of my life: 2 miscarriages, a house fire, infertility, treatments, health issues for my husband, a pandemic, growing a small business (actually kinda like 3 of them), a lot of life transitions and month after month of sadness when my cycle started again.

You might be thinking, “Gosh Danielle, this is kinda depressing and I’ve had enough emotional turmoil as of late.” Don’t worry, here comes the good part!

While I still wake up to a quiet and still house without the squeaky voice of a sweet babe or the pitter patter of their little feet navigating their way to my side of the bed, I wake up closer to God and with a desire to point others to Him and encourage them during their time on this earth. I’ve learned more about myself in this season than I ever imagined I could during the difficulties I’ve faced.

Here are just a few things I’ve learned:

• God’s unwavering support
• God-given courage to face my fears (daily challenge)
• Strength that was not mine in my hardest and darkest moments
• Importance of community and deep, strong & edifying relationships
• Relinquishing control of the things I can’t control (which is a lot!)
• Greater understanding of God’s purpose for my life and experiences (still a work in progress)
• Grace is something I really need to be more willing to give myself just as I do to those around me
• Home can be a place of safety and security when it feels like everything around you seems to be spiraling into the unknown
• I’m blessed with a caring, encouraging and strong husband that has walked this road with me all while facing the things God has challenged him with in his life and leading a large group of employees/team members (65+ people—yea, not me!)
• and much, much more (I’ll share more in coming posts)!

While we continue to wait on God’s timing to grow our family, I’m grateful for all he is doing in our lives and am praying for wisdom on how to make the most of this extra time we have as just the two of us. We also are still learning to yield control over to God with this part of our lives (and others) but we continue to see how God is using the time we have as a couple to our advantage.

My prayer is that if you are facing what seems like an uphill battle that you would go to the greatest leader of them all, God and rely on Him to get you through. Give yourself grace when you fall short of your own expectations and extend that to those you love and your enemies.

Blessings,

Danielle

Working from Home/Being Home with Kids for an Extended Time

As many of you are navigating the current worldwide situation, you find yourselves home with your kids or possibly even needing to work from home with your kids in tow. I’ve compiled a few things that might help with this if you can implement and share with your children to help guide them as they can sense something is off and different.

First, remind them that you love them and that your family is going to be spending plenty of time together in the coming days. This is reassuring to them.

Next, try to give them a little explanation (age appropriate) about what is happening in the world and why you will be together yet not always fully engaged (while you are working).

Set a schedule, share it with your children but also leave some space for decision making on their part (generally any child age 2+) should be able to help make decisions (even if it is a simple, small one. When making your schedule, continue to maintain structure just as if you were going to work outside the home and they were going to school. By providing structure, children are able to expect what is ahead and can find calm inside themselves. Post the schedule at your kids eye level and refer to it when they ask for something!

Keep mealtimes and bedtimes consistent (possibly allowing children who have positive behaviors throughout the day to stay up 5-60 minutes later…again age dependent). By doing this, it will also help them to transition back to the regular schedule…when that day comes. For meals and snacks, keep with a regular schedule like breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack and dinner (possibly bedtime snack). By doing so, they won’t expect you to get something at their beck and call. Use simple language to help them understand such as stating after each meal/snack, “the kitchen is closed” . You can also print out a paper stop sign and put it on the fridge and/or pantry to help them have a visual reminder…especially the little ones!

Create and enforce boundaries and rules (even if you didn’t before). This helps them manage their expectations and helps them to rely on you to be an authority. Children of all ages desire for their parents to be their safe space (even if they are pre-teens and teens…trust me…it’s just different than when they were younger). All of you will need time to adjust but by starting with boundaries instead of mid-chaos, you can rest in the fact you are trying and it WILL get better…I promise.

Try to spend time reconnecting around the dinner table altogether which will allows kids to feel connected to you after you need to be focused on your work during the day. When the weekend comes, try to be all in and spend a day in pj’s or something fun engaging with your children and making memories!

Refer to this list anytime your children are off of school during summer break, winter break or any extended period of time.

Give yourself plenty of grace, especially at the beginning. No parent is perfect and neither is any child. Apologize when needed and remember that it is important for children to know that sometimes adults mess up too!

Blessings,

Danielle

My One Word for 2020!

If you are like me, you are wondering where 2019 went but also simultaneously glad it is over. For those that follow me over on Instagram, where I’ve been sharing most things as of late, you know that 2019 was challenging to say the least and I learned so much about myself, my husband, my marriage and my community. So with that, let’s all say it together….

WELCOME 2020! 

Each year, I choose a word that seems to grab my attention when I hear it and this year is certainly no different. Starting fairly early in the year, I heard this word and it has continually kept coming back to my attention through a variety of pathways. It was this fall that I was listening to a podcast by my favorite photography mentors where they talked about alignment in our lives (I’m pretty sure it is Episode 4 but they mention it in a couple others too). (If you are looking for a podcast that talks about real life, I highly recommend you check it out and it is not about photography.)

Webster Dictionary defines |align| as: (v.) to be in or come into precise adjustment or correct relative position; to get or fall into line.

This seems relatively simple because, after all, people have been telling us since our early school days to stay in line, right? Well, not so simple when you are continually thrown curve balls that bring you one direction or another. For me, that has looked like job loss, marriage, a house fire, friendship building, faith struggles, miscarriages, infertility, depression, anxiety, and so much more. What does that look like for you?

Each time a huge life event happens, it throws you off course…whether it is a positive change or a tragedy. The hardest part is acknowledging it, grieving (if needed) then seeking God’s help to right the ship. Our every day lives, politics, drama in the neighborhood, etc make it nearly impossible for us to find our feet day after day. I believe that the only way we can find our feet and a solid foundation is by staying connected to our Heavenly Father. This can be done through prayer, worship, communing with other believers daily, and spending time learning about God the way we do with anything we want to learn about. When we are in alignment with God, we can hear those small whispers or feel the nudges from the Holy Spirit when He wants us to do something.

While 2019 seemed to bring me closer to Christ than I had been previously, I desire to continue to seek God and His Will for my life. For me, that will look like trying to spend time with God or praying before I get started on my to-do list for the day. I’ve never been a morning person and I’m certainly fortunate enough to have a more flexible schedule than most, I still struggle to “find time for God” between my household responsibilities, marriage, two businesses and other things I need to give my time to.

I encourage you to take the first step of just spending time with God. There is no one formula that works for every person so whether you do it in the morning before the kid(s) rise and you get ready for work, you use your lunch break to nourish your relationship with Jesus and your body or you want to spend your sweet time with Jesus just before you go to bed to calm your nerves from what they day held, just do it. Send a quick prayer of gratitude that you have clothes to fold when you are folding laundry (I need to do this with dishes…ugh) or ask God to show you how to serve your spouse as you drive to work instead of choosing some less-than-kind words for the driver that just cut you off in traffic. All it takes is 10 seconds to start…you can definitely find 10 seconds…you sure found 10 minutes to spend scrolling Facebook or Instagram which is likely where you came across this blog post.

Through starting with Jesus, I anticipate I will see a ripple effect on other areas of my life and while those are the ones, if I’m being honest, I’m more “looking forward to”, I know that Jesus is more important and I’m going to push through to grow my faith first despite the earthly desires my mind often starts with instead.

What would being in alignment look like for you?

Do you choose one word each year? If so, what is yours for 2020?

My prayer is that you can spend time giving your struggles over to God and that you would give yourself grace as you learn to align with Jesus.

 

Cold Day Activities for Children and Adults

If you are in about 75% of the US right now, you might be enduring Winter Storm Jayden, as it has been named. Some schools closed on Monday with most closed today and tomorrow. Your children may already be climbing the walls so I’ve rounded up a few ideas of things you can do with them!

1. Finish those handmade valentines before February even starts. You can print some out and sign them. Want to pass lots of time? Pull out some construction paper, card stock, or some other type of paper, cut to a small size, have your child(ren) color a specific picture on each one and sign them! They can also make ones for mom, dad, brother, sisters, grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc…
2. Have children make a list of all the things they enjoy doing. Sit down with them and have them tell you all the things they enjoy doing whether they can do them today or not. Most kids are going to mention going outside or some outside activity but please do not tell them it can’t go on the list, just right it down. Everything goes on the list. Then when they don’t know what to do or say “I’m bored”, go to the list which is hopefully posted somewhere and list off 3 choices. Allow them to decide which of the three they would like to do. If they choose an outdoor activity or some other activity that you can’t do right now (2 years old and up), walk them through why. For example, they say, ‘I want to ride my bike’. Ask them to describe what it looks like outside and explain how it feels. This process will help them as they grow to evaluate situations and make wise choices based on all the information they have.
3. Have children create their own matching game on paper. They can choose to draw letters, numbers, objects, etc… When they are done, encourage them to tell you and then play with them…without distractions.
4. Try Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube. This is an amazing series of yoga and stretching routines set to stories. It will get them moving to help with the jitters and also help them calm down naturally.
5. Create art for their room. Whether you have them use a phone, tablet, camera or other device to take photos of things they like or have them color or paint 3 pieces, they can create art for their room. When you can go outside again, buy a few cheap dollar store frames and art has been created on a budget on these cold days!
6. Drink hot chocolate and have a snack together. Allow them to talk to you about whatever they want. You might find out something new.
7. Make pancakes for breakfast together! Ask kids what they want to add in whether it is chocolate chip, fruit, nuts or something else.
8. Create a donation box and fill with 5 items. Go through family games, movies and toys and find 5 items to donate.
9. Have your child(ren) create a new lay out for their room by drawing it on paper. Rearrange your kids room with their direction (obviously you may need to guide them at some point.
10. Create a blessing bag for the homeless or less fortunate. Use household items to create a blessing bag including but not limited to: non-perishable snacks, clean pair of unused socks, silverware, hygiene items, etc. Here are some more ideas. Then have them write a personalized note.

Well, there’s my round up of cold weather activities for today! May you enjoy the time with your loved ones and take this as a gift rather than an inconvenience.

Comment with some of the things you decide to do whether they are on this list or not! 🙂

National Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day 2018

 

If this day wants to make you crawl in a hole and hide for a while, please know you are not alone. Your pain is understood, unfortunately, by many others. Jesus is wrapping you in His arms every moment.

My Facebook and Instagram feeds are filled with people bravely opening their hearts and expressing their pain of losing a little one all too soon, including my own feeds. There are people of every shape, size, color and background with the same pain, one we can wholeheartedly say we don’t want to wish on even our greatest enemies.

Children are such a part of the female identity. When you get engaged, get married or especially, when you have been married for a while, people ask about kids. Are you having them? How many do you want? Why haven’t you had kids? They also say things like “You aren’t getting any younger” or “It’s better to have them young so you can enjoy your later years”. I’ve been guilty of saying some of these things when I was much younger and naive with no idea of the immense pain I could be causing in someone’s life.

As if it weren’t enough, I awoke to the news that there is a royal baby on the way. The last few weeks, it seems that everywhere I turn there is pregnancy announcements, commercials about raising children, TV shows talking about any number of things related to children and pregnancy. Sometimes…many times…it all feels like just too much. Throughout the last year and a half, my mind was elsewhere but now that the dust has cleared, this pain and heartbreak has come roaring back stronger than ever.

Until the day we get to see our little ones in Heaven, I pray that God would comfort you and bless you with children of your own. Whether they are biological, adopted, fostered or belong to another set of parents that love them and care for them and give you the opportunity to love them like your own, I pray the children in your life would bring a smile to your heart with their sense of adventure and child-like faith.

Blessings to you sister on this day and every day. May Jesus be your rock, your all and the provider of hope. Listen to this song and rest in the arms of Jesus.

ALL MY HOPE

Give yourself grace and spend some time taking care of yourself any time you need.

Want to talk to someone about your loss or about the hope of Jesus? I’m here anytime. Feel free to reach out via FB, email or the comments below.

513 days…

513 days OR 12,312 hours OR 738,720 minutes OR 44,323,200 seconds! However you look at it, that’s a lot of time to be dealing with an event such as a house fire like we did. Today at 9:15 am, I officially handed over the final mortgage company check to our contractor. I drove away with both sheer relief  (and tears in my eyes) but also a great amount of thankfulness for the contractor and his entire team for helping us put our home back together. They truly were amazing especially when I hear the horror stories of others that have lost money to contractors that take their money and run without finishing the job after all the family has already been through.

That’s how many days it has been since our lives changed in an instant. The title of this blog has never rung truer. I have learned many positive and negative things about myself and others. One of the most important things during this time has been grace. Grace from others, towards others, to and from my husband, and most importantly for myself. I’m grateful to the many who endured my shortness, my lack of ability to serve anyone but myself and the hubby, our constant need for support because the emotional and physical toll was so great and those that listened and didn’t judge on the really hard days…which was a majority of them. Grace doesn’t cost you anything except a little emotional energy.

I’m continually praying for God to take away my anger for the time we’ve lost and I anticipate that will take a long time, perhaps even til my last breath. The best thing I can do now is move forward and be thankful for what has come out of this trauma in my life.

Who can you show grace to today? Do you need to show yourself a little grace too? I’d love for you to leave a comment and tell me about who you plan to extend grace to!

Blessings to you!

Community Brings Love

Mother’s Day is a day to honor the women in our lives no matter their “title” because any woman that has nurtured a child in any way, deserves to be celebrated and acknowledged.

Yesterday, was hard. I’m not going to say it wasn’t because then I’d be lying. The feelings were so many I often lost track of how I was feeling in the moment. My husband, best friend and I volunteered in nursery and while I enjoyed cuddling those babies and giving the moms a break from nursery duty, it simultaneously reminded me of what I should have had by now. I cried when my pastor (and friend) acknowledged from the pulpit that this isn’t a joyous day for everyone knowing full well many stories like mine and the many moms that were celebrating in Heaven for the first time or the twelfth time!  As most of you know, we have lost two pregnancies and are still waiting on God to grow our family. We don’t know what that will look like in the end but we are confident God’s plan is greater than any we have for ourselves.

But that is not where the hope ends either. God is so, so good. He laid it on the hearts of many to reach out to me to say Happy Mother’s Day but also acknowledged the pain and difficulty of the day at the same time. It came from people I knew would care for me and do on an almost daily basis but also from people I don’t get to talk to frequently and even some I’ve only known for a short time. My phone kept buzzing and I couldn’t imagine who was messaging or calling me this time. One friend hugged me in church and said, “I’m thinking of you and your sweet babies in Heaven today.” Another said, “I’m praying for you a little more today than I do normally [and your testimony is an encouragement to others].” Many expressed that they were thinking of me on this day and one voicemail said, “I miss you and I’m thinking of you on this very difficult day and wanted to let you know that you are treasured from every little life you have touched and I’m grateful for you.”

GUYS!!!! This is what community is for. This is why God created us to live alongside others and not alone. This is why He says to surround yourselves with others that will love you no matter what.

If you are still reeling from what Mother’s Day brought you emotionally, then rest in Jesus and open your heart to others so they can love you the best they know how. Call the friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Write a note to a mentor that has touched your life. Gather some girlfriends and get real….I mean, really real….talk about the nitty gritty, the brokenness, the sorrow, the triumphs, the fears, the dreams, talk about EVERYTHING!!!

Jesus loves you and He sees every tear and every joy in your heart. Bring your sorrows and worries to Him. Spend time with Him daily. [Talking to myself here too.]  You are loved and treasured just as you are, broken and treasured.

Broken, Battered, & Bruised

BBT tracking. OPK kits. IVF injections. Blood Tests. Hormones. Emotional Roller Coasters. Infertility. Broken relationships. Abandonment. Disappointment. Sadness. Loneliness. Longing.

For many, Mother’s Day brings about the thoughts and feelings above. This Mother’s Day, you may resonate with one or more of the things above but there is hope. Jesus knows every pain and every hurt. He knows that His plan is greater than any you ever could have for your own life.

Don’t know Jesus? Please let me know and I would be glad to tell you about the amazing work He has done. Choose Him and He will be there every step of the way through this journey called life.

Many blessings to you on this Mother’s Day no matter what emotions it may bubble up in you. If you are a woman that has ever nurtured a soul, you deserve to be celebrated today and every day.

Wishing You a Happy Mother’s Day!

Whether you are a mom, grandma, auntie, caregiver, babysitter, sister, or simply a woman, we want to wish you a wonderful Mother’s Day for all the love, care and support you give those around you every day of the year!

House Fire: One Year Later

 

One year ago yesterday, my hubby and I lost our new-to-us home to an electrical fire. It was devastating because this was our first home purchase and we had just begun settling in and making it our own. Within hours of losing our home, we found ourselves living in a one bedroom hotel suite (above)…for 16 days!

Then for the remainder of our eight month displacement, we called a two bedroom, two bath apartment home. It was about 10 minutes from our house.

We spent four months watching demo and waiting for our construction permit to be approved through the county. When our contractor went in initially, they said they just needed 3 things. After the first rejection, they asked for more things. Then after the second rejection, they basically were asking for everything possible known to man for a reconstruction. It was very frustrating for all involved because if they explained they wanted all the things they did at first, we would have been done with the permit process at least 6 weeks sooner! During that time, we began planning the remodel by talking through possible changes and all the finishes we wanted to use.

Once that permit was finally approved and issued, the rebuilding began. As with any project, there are days where tons get completed and stretches of time where it feels like things are at a stand still. It took about four more months to actually rebuild our home and it likely would have been longer if our contractor wasn’t as awesome as he was. If you are looking for a great contractor and live in the western suburbs of Chicago, I highly recommend Kenneth Allen Company for your remodeling needs! I do need to take credit for the interior design of the home as that has been my special project and while the hubby has contributed, the vision has been mostly mine from the start!

Since day one, we have worked with insurance to replace and/or restore all personal items and complete the project. No matter how good your insurance is, it is a very delicate process and can be frustrating and confusing at times. Thankfully, we feel fortunate that our insurance has been pretty good because we’ve heard some true horror stories of other insurance companies being less than kind during such a difficult time in peoples’ lives.

Many people have said we must be so glad the process is over which is likely what most people think once you move back in your home but there is so much more. Scanning receipts for depreciation, tracking what items have been replaced and what need to be replaced, and other items on the to-do list. Dealing with the mortgage company is it’s own special challenge. So here we are, a year from our fire and still trying to wrap up insurance items and the mortgage company. Yesterday was challenging from an emotional standpoint and we had our appraisal on the home so that added to my feelings. I felt a sense of frustration that we couldn’t fully put it behind us yet relief that we have made it through inevitably the most difficult parts of this process….I hope!

Here are a few photos of the interior that I just love! Do you think I could be an interior decorator? (Yes, I know, there is barely anything on the walls but I just haven’t gotten there yet!)

(Main level: living room, dining room, kitchen-open concept space)

(Master Bedroom Retreat)

(Lower level family room and children’s area)

(New Fireplace with built-ins)

Have you ever experienced a remodel by choice or through a tragedy like ours? I’d love to hear your experience and if you are currently experiencing it, know that it will eventually end even if it feels endless and dark right now!

Danielle